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Saturday, 14 December 2013

Script: The Lutterworth WI Entertainment, December 12, 2013

Good evening, Madam President, and the Ladies of the Women’s Institute.  Thank you for inviting me to your Christmas party and, more importantly, to share this very special meeting, the last of the Lutterworth Women’s Institute.
In words similar to those of one of my guests tonight, I would like to share with you the collective and unfinished works of Madalyn Morgan.  And, I’m hoping you’ll help me by writing down the names of my guests and where you know them from. 

[Pass note pads and pens round]  I shall give you lots of clues, I might even sing.  And if the clues aren’t good enough, you must make me work harder.  I hope you enjoy it.

My first guest this evening is a CBE.  She was born 1929, Cheshire.  One of our most talented comedy actresses.  Never been married, no children.  She’s 84 and still working

Oooops!  The telephone. [ring ring, ring ring]
'The Bucket residence, the lady of the house speaking!  [Shouts to kitchen]  It's my sister Violet!  She's the one with the Mercedes, sauna, and room for a pony.  [phone] Poor daddy.  Hang onto him dear until we get there.'
The telephone again. [ring ring, ring ring]

'The Bouquet residence, Lady of house speaking’    Sheridaaaaaaan!  [to Richard  It's Sheridan!  Calling to say hello to his mommy. [ phone, to Sheridan]  Now, what is it dear?  [stops and blinks] Hyacinth: How much?'
What was Mrs Bucket Christian name.      Hiacynth
What was the television series called?       Keeping up Appearances
What is the actress’s real name.                 Patricia Rutledge
TV Series in the 1990s?                             Hetty Wainthrop Investigates.

My second guest's 
mother was an eccentric American, one of the beautiful Langhorne Sisters.  Her grandfather was Chiswell Langhorne, the American railway millionaire, and her aunt became Viscountess Nancy Astor.  She grew up around the Clivenden set; around people like George Bernard Shaw and Noel Coward.  And she made my stage debut in 1939 in, The Little Revue.  And she is famous for her monologues.
In 1942, she wrote her signature song.     I'm Going to See You Today 
Does anyone know her catch phrase?      George, don't do that.
Her name is?                                             Joyce Grenfell
My third guestA British comedienne and actress.  Born: 1905, Lancashire.  She became one of the biggest stars of Music Hall in the 1940s and 50s before moving to film and television in the 1960/70s.
She was short and stout. Her female friend (a man) was six feet five inches tall, thin, and silent. 
 Some of her Catch Phrases were, "She knows you know" "Be soon I say...  Be soon”

“You big girls blouse”
Does anyone know the name of the comedienne?                Hylda Baker
Anyone know the name of her tall friend?                            Cynthia
Does anyone know the name of actor called Cynthia ?         Ely Woods
More clues: 
In the 1970s she starred in a television series called,  Not On Your Nellie, playing Nellie Pickersgill, a tea total Bolton woman who moves to London to help run her ailing father Jed Pickersgill's pub 

And 1968-75  ‘Nearest And Dearest’.  Pledge's Purer Pickles factory, falls into the hands of Nellie and Eli Pledge. Who played Nellie’s brother Eli - Jimmy Jewel 

The Mistress of Malapropisms with remarks like "I've had lessons in electrocution” and “What are you incinerating?" "You haven't had the pleasure of me yet have you?"  "I'll inhale that remark"  "This is a fine hysterical building, kept up by the National Truss" "I can say that without fear of contraception."  "I must get a little hand put on this watch"  "Have you been, Walter?"  
Fourth guest: She is an OBE. An English singer, entertainer television personality  Born: 1943 Liverpool.  She has just celebrated 50 years on showbiz.  Her husband, Bobby was her manager. Known for her red hair, nose and teeth job.  Knew The Beatles, The Cavern, and two or her famous UK singles from 1964  (Anyone Who Had a Heart"  You’re My World.)
You're my world
You are my night and day
You're my world
You're every prayer I pray
If our love ceases to be
Then it's the end of my world
End of my world
 End of my world for me

Anyone who had a heart
Would take me in his arms and love me, too
You couldn't really have a heart and hurt me,
Like you hurt me and be so untrue
What am I to do

Who is she?                                                               Cilla Black

Fifth guest:  Born 1947 Oxfordshire.  MBE – English poet, comedienne & presenter of radio & TV
They Should Have Asked My Husband
My husband has an opinion on everything – Politics,  teenage mothers, immigration, crime – you name it, and he’ll discuss it, in an ever rising voice that is twice as loud as yours or mine.
So any little niggle, anything you want to know
Just run it past my husband, wind him up and let him go.
I often wonder what it must be like to be so strong,
Infallible, articulate, self-confident …  and wrong.

1970s Dentist surgeries all over the UK had a notice that read:
I was young then, and careless, and My toothbrush was hairless
How I laughed at my mother’s false teeth,
As they foamed in the waters beneath.
But now comes the reckonin’
It’s me they are beckonin’
Oh, I wish I’d looked after me teeth.

More recently:
I’ve just had my hair done
At the new place what’his’name.
It cost me fifty quid,
What do you mean it looks the same?

Who is she?                                                            Pam Ayres 

Last guest: Born: 1932, Epsom Surrey. She has a CBE.  She' an singer, actress, and composer.  At 81 she's been working for 70 years.  Her professional career began on BBC Radio during World War II
She became known as "Britain's Shirley Temple,"   When she was 11 she appeared in films; Medal  For the General, followed by Strawberry Roan and I know Where I’m Going.

In 1947, she met Joe "Mr Piano" Henderson who introduced her to her record label. 
In 1961 she met and a Frenchman, Claude Wolff.  And in 1964 recorded this song,

When you're alone
And life is making you lonely,
You can always go downtown
When you've got worries,
All the noise and the hurry
Seems to help, I know, downtown

Composed by Tony Hatch, the song?                     Downtown
Who is this Blonde curly haired singer?                 Petula Clark

The outgoing President, Frances with Margaret and Kitty

Mickey and Frances - An emotional Goodbye
Enjoying a Christmas Buffett
 After the party, the quiz of 'Who am I?'
 It was great fun.  Everyone won a prize for guessing who I was impersonating.  One lady got 12 right out of 15, others less.  But everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.
Thank you ladies of the Lutterworth WI.  I shall miss you. x